to go...or not to go...

my family is generally run by the matriach system...and there was quite a bit discipline in the past...however, times have changed alittle...

in the past, whenever my mother said holiday, we go~ and that has always been the case until recently...since elder sis and myself legalised ourselves to watch R(21)movies...we had tiny bit of choice as to whether we would like to go on holiday as well..actually, its been more of a case of whether we can go or not...elder sis has her work commitments...i have my sch commitments...so the past 2 holidays excluded us...younger sis didnt have a choice either...neither did dad...

and this seems to have upset mother abit...she's looking forward to the time when the whole family could go on holiday together again...so came the latest holiday...Bintan...seems like this time, even elder sis can make it...dat makes onli mi...but...but...but...

i aint exactly trying to make excuses for myself...but...this sem aint exactly smooth sailing for mi...and its nearly the peak of the sem where many of the assignements and presentations r due...so....

told mother i'm a little apprehensive..and i could almost immediately hear her disappointment and slight annoyance...sigh...why la why...i'm seriously feeling guilty now...so should i go?

Moment of Truth

i think this sem shall see my grades truly reflect my intellectual abilities...ever since sch started, i got off easy many times on most modules, and scrapped thru a good grade...

this sem...things arent the same...seems like lady luck has finally given up on mi...i aint getting my grades anymore...i realli realli need to buck up~

u noe...it realli doesnt help that there are people around u whose definition of "did poorly" is totally on a different level...there the person goes whining abt getting 28 out of 30, while i'm here destined to get 22 perhaps? sigh...not helping...

shall realli try to help myself now...even if it means losing abit of myself~