Mental and Physical Fatigue

The World Cup duties, along with the added workload at work is really taking a toil on this prematurely ageing body...

I've said this for the dunno how many times...i seriously need to lose weight...for more reasons than one...

I seriously am fantasizing about just impulsively travel alone one day..be it to drive into Malaysia and hit Thailand, or buy a ticket to who knows where to see whats next..just as long as I can escape from where I am right now...

It's so tiring that I have got to be other people's support but I can't find my own strength nor from someone else...

I've taken the break up much harder than I thought I would...but I believe its for the better for both parties...I only hope we move on to better our lives from here on out...

Headphone girl recently wrote a very touching piece on FB...perhaps its cuz i miss creative and expressive writing, perhaps its cuz i'm pretty delicate right now..perhaps it was really really that well written...but i teared reading it...

ah wells...

I might just make it a habit of only ever updating this blog once a year.

I miss writing, but every time I do, I find myself whining like a spoilt brat..not good...

I find myself still arguing with anybody...including myself, not good indeed...

I do find the need to motivate myself to work better, and be more responsible..and decisive...

I have been told that I am not the most decisive person in the world, and it can be infuriating to others and even myself at times...

I no longer now have to be responsible not just for my own words and actions, but also those of other people whom I'm supposed to supervise and undertake..its a challenge, which I hope I can take it in my stride and come out a better person from it...

I would think that being a better person, not just for yourself, but also for others, is a never ending duty, task, work, ideal, etc until the day you leave this place...its not easy...but I think anything good never is anyway...

I would like to think that i am a fortunate young man, who has life going for him, if not for his short and hot temper, low metabolism, high appetite, low tolerance for bullshit, and lazy-mindedness (if that's a word)...

So many I's....so self-centred I am...heh

Until the next time :P

Frustrated Male Syndrome

Coincidentally, or perhaps not...its been almost another year since i have been to this place..

been wanting to write out (or in this case..type out) my feelings, mostly frustrations...in hope that it might help relieve a little of the overwhelming negativity which i will not deny i am feeling...

Where should i start?

Work...

i enjoy what i do, which is to interact with people, organise and do things which help reach out to people, help them..and hopefully, make their lives better. Of course, one could say i could do it for a social cause instead of getting paid for it..but hey...i gotta earn a living too...besides, been helping out at a dog shelter now..so i guess i've been hopefully accumulating good karma...

what really irks me at work is perhaps the people i have to work with...

most times, i tell myself that people of all kinds exist everywhere, regardless of where you are...so i only gotta choose to accept it and move on with my life, and let things work out on its on...

but recently...certain events have led me to be burdened not just by others' incompetency but their ignorance and impudence as well. if i gotta work with these kinda people for the foreseeable future...i might really just prematurely have shortened my own lifespan.

a buddy of mine has finally taken the brave step of moving on...a sign of things to come that i should too perhaps..since all the tantrums and fits that i have thrown in an attempt to make a better work place has gone for naught...

i only hope that i can find the strength to protect those that i take responsibility for to not be taken advantage of at work, while skivers and nincompoops do what they do best......be scumbags of the universe...

gonna meditate now...zzz

So it has been almost a year i've visited this place...pretty dead... Some things have changed, some things haven...mostly not to my liking..but thats life...then again...most of it i only have myself to blame.. i only have to learn from these lessons..but the irony is...i never do..heh such is a foolish human.. :P what to do but to carry on life~

grown up matters

I am at an age where my peers are talking about really grown up matters..such as career, housing, cars, marriage, babies...among others...

while many of these topics are not exactly foreign...i still kind of find it surreal that its time that i am, and should be, talking about such stuff..the feeling of being grown up...is kinda scary..

and while some of my frens are happily married, i juz came across one of my frens being proposed...and how sweet it was...and yes...while it was a sweet video, i have to highlight that she was my first ever crush in primary sch...and that was like...14 yrs ago!!! I wish my first ever crush all the best, heh~

work is not much good...with more work coming in before i could give it out...damn..and with my prior stupid action...which i realli realli regret now...i doubt my work will go noticed nor rewarded...i juz hope i dun click the button...

unlucky me

at times i ponder if i tend to be too lucky and unlucky...i tend to appreciate it when situations turn out in my favor, and that seems to happen quite abit..although the same can be said of the opposite...and that...seems to be happening alot alot alot alot alot alot more frequent now...and it has cost mi quite abit...

and with the slump at work productivity and satisfation, along with the recent nitemare that i had (why can't i remember sweet dreams instead?), i only hope things will get better from here on...

oh the irony...

*Boss calls while i'm watching a movie...i hanged up...but msged her instead...

Stinko: in a movie, anything?

Boss: the *&^%$^&*(*&^%$#%^&*()&^%$^&*(&^%$ (a load of gibberish work she told me to do earlier) can already, please do it up by tomorro (which was National Day Holiday)

Boss: anyway what show are you watching?

Stinko:er...Horrible Bosses...

of disappointment and contempt

Since returning from wearing the green uniform to the corporate one...i realised much hasn't changed, and if there is any..it ain't for the better...

its really disheartening and disappointing that despite all that you have done, and what has been thrown upon you, leaving you at times overwhelmed...your superior does not recognise the effort, but instead throws more upon you and fault you for negligible matters...

its even more disheartening that the same negligible effects are of no concern when done by other personnels, or even more so at times...to add salt to the wound...they get the praise and "recognition"... *facepalm*

i am honestly disillusioned with work rite now...

wearing green and tasting grass and mud...again...

and so for the past 2 and a half weeks..i donned on the green uniform that helped me lose more than juz my weight...

4 years was the last time i touched the 120mm mortar artillary gun...and long gone was my knowledge...so it took a while to refresh everything...it didnt help that i got assigned to the most tiring detachment...but the guys helped...and i suspect i'm gonna be with this group of guys for the long run...i think thats a good thing...

while i more or less enjoyed myself during this reservist...i made some big boo boos...like almost losing my camp pass...giving wrong instructions more than once...and sunk a military vehicle into soft ground...heh...got stuck pretty badly there...but oh well..

now back to work...

of official closures and beginnings

tomorrow...i shall be officially graduating from Uni...heh...despite working for almost a year already...nonetheless...a form of closure for mi...of the times i've been thru...i would say it was fun :)

so much for the importance of convocation and graduation, i've gotta head back to work shortly after that...heh...at least its to plan for going to RWS and USS...then again...been there....done that...nonetheless...work is work...

after much procrastination, i'm finally settling the transfer of ownership for the car...its a expensive hassle...but gotta be done...sigh...hopefully can make it official by next week..not gonna be tinkering much with the car though...dun have the financial luxury now :(

Oh yeah..of another new beginning...i've finally picked up golf...heh...going thru some lessons now...managed to hit some decent shots...I"M SO HOOKED! but its an expensive sport...damn it...

perhaps to end off...i wanna officially tell myself to stop being such a pussy and get on with it...whatever it is...GO!

busy, depressing month

and so b4 we know it...we're entering the 2nd half of the year...damn it...and july doesnt seem to be a month i can slack off..sad :(

after various office commitments, i'll have to serve the nation, back to wearing green for awhile...lagi sad :(

something random...i'm quite the type who tend to have infatuations for a pretty long time~longest record i was infatuated with this gal in poly for 2 years (think 45..heh)...damn...i might fall into that again...though usually it means i'll end up nowhere...hmmm...bachelors' club anyone?

ill again~

juz when i tot i should realli get back to jogging again...i fall sick...so irritating...doesn't help that work juz starting to pile up again...disgusted that work juz gets thrown down so easily and irresponsibly, and unfairly...

been working despite running a fever since last nite til now..surviving on paracetamol..gonna knock out early tonite...in hope of feeling better tomoro...

first of more 21kms

and so lion king came and went, and i honestly enjoyed the show, for its costumes, props, theatrics. Its amazing how detailed and sophisticated the artwork and mechanism were invested into the whole production. so that wasn't a disappointment, in fact, enjoyed the show and the company.

this time yesterday (or rather last nite), i was huffing and puffing away cuz i was in the middle of my 21km run...sadly, 21km used to be easier...damn~ nonetheless, finished it...thanks to my running buddy...will be running 21km again in Sep...and then the dreaded 42km...still considering if i should do it again...seriously...

of jogging again, muscle aches, and an itching (potentially breaking) heart

becuz i haven ran for a freaking long time, and becuz i have put on a hell lot of weight, and and becuz my neighbourhood frenly army buddy psycho-ed mi, i signed up the sundown half-marathon...

so i have been jogging again recently with my army buddy...in a bid to survive 21km relatively unscathed...unfortunately becuz we were not as fit as b4 (at least i wasn't...) i could feel the aches in my hamstring, thigh, and calf muscles...

juz did a good 10km juz now...hope it'll be enough for us to survive our sundown...

on another note...tomoro (or rather, later), i'll be catching a musical which has had some raving reviews...hoping the nite will not be a disappointment, on more than 1 front...we shall see..if the nite ends well or not...

"There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it is a mistake is to make that mistake and look back and say, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not."

Lily Aldrin of "How I Met Your Mother"

older again...damn...

so older by another yr...took the opportunity to take some long break from work...6 good longs days in fact...common question that came up..."why didn't you go for holiday!?!?!?...qn was...no one to go with :P

12 May - celebrated with PA induction mates at Timbre...and got sabo-ed up to the stage...MALU!

13 May - rotted at home and watched How I Met Your Mother...to say i am hooked onto it is an understatement! Chilled out with uni guys for supper though...good catch up...though not long enough though i reckon...

14 May - Family Dinner at a seafood restaurant we always wanted to try...good...not fantastic...followed by movie! Fast & Furious 5...AWESOME!

15 May - Caught up with another batch of PA colleagues for movie! Priest...good..not fantastic~

16 May - caught up with a few other uni mates :) as well as played Halo with my poly gang of guys later on~

17 May - met up with my one and only god sis, Mitch~ lurve her! b4 heading to meet parents and mother's extended family for dinner at brudder M.Y. 's place.

god sis Mitch told mi a few enlightening stuff which i feel, some hopefully, some hopefully not, that might seem the case in future....damn...

1. I should likely lead a comfortable lifestyle...with finances not being a worry...should be...hopefully...

2. But i should likely not be able to find anyone to share my life with until i'm at least 30....damn....

oh well...back to work tomoro~

of elections and disappointments

and so the heat of the elections is over...some of my own reflections on these...

better men who should have served are not going to, while lesser personalities who have yet proven themselves or are already unworthy stay instead...such is politics...such is life...

My speculation is that Mr Yeo will continue to serve the nation as Ambassador-at-large for Singapore, bearing in mind that he is already very well-versed in foreign affairs, with our foreign counterparts expressing their sadness and disbelief at Mr Yeo's departure. As I was reading today's Straits Times, I came across an article written by Mr Tommy Koh, a gentleman whom i highly respect, and is coincidentally, Singapore's Ambassador-at-large. His article reads, "George Yeo: A man for all seasons". A really insightful review on the former Foreign Minister. I implore all to read the article should you have the opportunity.

Alas, to deal with disappointments is part and parcel of life. I wish Mr Yeo all the best...

short time...many happenings

and so i got the car...damn it..there goes my savings...but then i again...boy do i lurve the car!!! but lets juz leave it at that..

work has been a killer...without even a chance to clear my backlogs...gotta do so many "never-b4-done" kinda events...wazzup with that...???

to make things worse...higher ups think nothing of it, keep throwing more work down, expect them to be done well, on top of ur previous commitments...wazzup with that?

and it realli doesnt help when they dun recognize the hard work, and not approve of ur time offs when i've worked my butt off the most recent event with my colleague...wazzup with that?

damn i'm whining...and sleepy...knocked out~

CAR-dinal sin....

recently my brudder who juz got married offered to sell his car...and when i showed interest...he sweetened the deal for mi...oh such temptations...he's offered mi to drive the car for the week...have a feel...and let him know...should i? should i not?

dad says i should go for it...mother says nope...my heart says yes...and the head says no...goodness...the dialectical tensions...

*slaps forehead*

ironies...

the dog above is called courage...the irony is...he is hardly courageous...he is scared of anything and everything...another irony...despite his lack of courage...he usually saves the day thru his selfless acts...

I think many are facing the same situation in Japan...i believe everyone in Japan should be scared stiff rite now...you would be a fool not to be...but nonetheless...we see so many selfless acts in hope and faith to carry on living not just for themselves but for others around them as well...i realli hope the people of Japan will pull through this crisis...and be a stronger nation from this ordeal...

on another note...perhaps another irony...i'm surprisingly a little disillusioned with my line of work already...so early into the job...especially so soon after my new staff induction. Then again, perhaps it could be cuz i had so much fun at the induction. Made many new friends, veri good frens :) Hopefully, i'll have the determination to stay on, gain experience and see where this job leads mi...

on the last note...juz got to know that one of my brudders from V6 gang in poly times is attached! Happy for him realli :) He'sbeen through a fair bit..and he deserves a good partner...then at the back of my head...it struck mi...i'm the onli guy in the gang hu is still single..heh...oh well..people around mi are all getting attached or getting hitched...while i would like a companion...i think my line of work might not allow mi the luxury of spending quality time with my loved one...then again...who noes...

Post-Induction Withdrawal Syndrome

in the past 2 weeks, i havent been in office...becuz i had to attend the induction camp for new employees...initially...i was apprehensive...as i had already missed my first induction cuz of work...and since hearing how fun it was from my colleague...i tot i'd never be able to have as much fun...veri wrong i was...heh...induction was....AWESOME!!!

thru induction...i got to know that i aint the only one suffering from CO work...i got to know many more colleagues from other COs, i got for myself more nicknames during this induction more than any other time of my life, i got compared to elmo, other people's boyfren, and a certain gnome...i thoroughly enjoyed myself...damn its over...

and now...its back to work....sobz...

i cant imagine the amount of work piled up D: